Death Becomes Her
by Lana Archer
Summary: Everything Damon touches turns to ash. This was no exception


**Note:** For anyone who's wondering, I'll be doing a mass update soon, but this really needed to get out. As usual it is unedited, filled with angst and awaiting your beloved reviews. Happy hiatus everybody! XO

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 **Death Becomes Her**

 **PT I**

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 _ **Damon frowned as he looked down at the elegant but rushed script, the soft scent coming off of it only fuelling his trepidation as he lifted the single sheet of paper to his face.**_

 **Oh no** _ **, he thought,**_ **what had she done?**

Dearest Damon Salvatore,

Corny, huh? But you're smart enough to realise that because this letter is so damn long that I had plenty of time to think it all through; even if it seems like it took me no time at all. It makes me sad that the first letter I write in years is one saying goodbye to you,

 _ **his fingers tightened on the edges of the page, wilting the precious item –**_

– but I know, after everything we've been through, that this is the least I could have done. So, here I am, sitting in my room in the boarding house, morbidly grateful for the quiet so that I can write this all down before I lose my nerve. I think you're outside somewhere, I don't know, even though we don't talk much anymore I still know you and I know I don't have much time before you come barging in here, drunk and angry, demanding I drink with you. "Because it's the least you can do." that's a direct quote from you, you asshole.

 _ **A frustrated hand tugged at his hair as it fell forward, blocking his view –**_

When we died, and, bear with me Damon, I know you hate it when I try and contextualise things instead of just spitting it out; we spent a while together. Learned stuff about each other that I'm sure no one really wants to know about another person. And that's why when I say I love you; you know exactly what I mean. More than anyone, I think, you know what my love means. You've seen it from all sides; you've both suffered because of it, and survived because of it, you've mocked it and respected it all in the space of an hour. You've seen what it can do; love, you've seen what it's done to me and I've seen and I know what it's done to you. And that's why I know that you'd never have asked me for this, and that alone stands testament to how much you love me –

" _ **Bonnie," he yelled out, his voice cracked and hoarse as it stumbled over the simple sound of her name, "Bonnie?" but he couldn't tear his eyes off of her words, not yet, not until they snuffed out this feeling that was building in his chest; not until she started scratching out the words she didn't mean, or until she stopped telling him how much he meant to her because, it wasn't helping, these words weren't enough, he needed her, here, he –**_

As if the question remained after you chose me.

I mean, the extent of your vocabulary when you were in mourning in the Prison World was "Elena", "Stefan", "No" and "Home". Though, to be fair that was before you decided you 'may as well get to know me'; another direct quote. When Kai finally explained the extent of the spell; when it really hit me that Elena and I were bound this way…I, I don't know, he didn't give me much time to reflect on my own feelings on the matter before I was gasping and gagging on the floor, kinda wondering how many more times I was going to have to taste my own blood before the universe finally took pity on me. And then, there you were…and then he made you choose…

 _ **He frowned then, wondering why she'd left a trail of dots instead of what she clearly wanted to say – there had to be some point to this letter other than stirring at his feelings unnecessarily, maybe she'd just gone for a walk in the woods, maybe this was her way of reaching out to him now that he'd made it clear he never wanted to talk about Elena again.**_

When you came back, I think I hated you a little more than when you pretended to leave; I hated you more in the moment because for a split second, I thought it was real Damon, I thought you were going to let me die there. In between the cracked figurines, strewn ribbon and pools of glass and my own blood. And I hated myself too, for hating you, after it all. And then you were smiling at me again, and I was drinking your blood, again, and I just…I don't know, Damon, I was feeling too many things at once to make sense of what had even happened in the first place. But with Care and Stefan in their own worlds and you…doing whatever it is you've been doing I've had a lot of time to think things through. And, now that I've done all the thinking I can do, I know it's time for me to say goodbye to you, to all of you. And I know the perfect way to do it too –

 _ **Before he really knew what he was doing he was flying through the hallways, crashing into doors as he flung them open desperately, eyes wide as they scoured each room hurriedly, nose alert and seeking her out at every turn. When he found himself back in her room he was panting, haggard, distraught. He fell to his knees and let his eyes fall back onto her words, praying to any and all gods he didn't learn to name that she hadn't just up and left him, because he hadn't meant that when he pushed her away. He'd wanted freedom from her unknowingly judgemental gaze to do whatever he wanted; he didn't want her to leave. He didn't want her anywhere else in the world, he wanted her in this room, berating him, holding him accountable, and reminding him to breathe…**_

So I've left a letter for Caroline too, and Stefan, and Matt, those last two are admittedly shorter than yours and Forbes', but they're filled with love all the same, they're on top of your dresser, don't destroy them, okay?

I know Lily gave you and Stefan that twisted ultimatum and I know you regret putting that spell around Elena's coffin that only drew the Heretics closer to the crypt. But I also know that I'm the one who can fix all of this, so I'm going to. But, I'm also going to make sure that I stand a chance, because I learned the hard way that I need to stop playing the sacrificial lamb. But I'm also going to stay true to myself, so…I'm going to become a, what did you call them? Witchpire? Yes. I'm going to turn myself into one of those. My heart stops, we get Elena back, well, you do, I think I'll take my first installment of forever to go, because, truthfully, I know you and Caroline are going to be furious, and I know Stefan's going to frown at me until I think his forehead in finally going to give in and fall off but most importantly, Lucy called me back, finally and she's actually the one who's helped me get this whole ball rolling. She's surprisingly on board with all of it and it's nice to have some form of family back. I've been in contact with Abby too, don't pull that face, this could be good for me.

 _ **Not that he needed to but he'd stopped breathing at 'my heart stops' –**_

I could have a life after all this, Damon. I could stand a chance outside of this place that's done nothing but take from me, hell, since before I was even born. You wanted Elena, and I wanted a life of my own. This is a way to make sure that both of those things happen. This is a good thing, Damon –

 _ **No, no, it's not –**_

So; Lucy's outside, which means I have to go, I'm both happy and sad that you're not here. No one's here actually, which is weird, but, my phone hasn't rung once and no one's tried to kidnap me so I'm assuming we're in the clear. My number won't change so angry-text away, I'm sure you will anyways. Remember Salvatore, this is me choosing you, this is me wanting what you want for yourself and this is me wanting what's best for me too, in a way I never thought plausible or possible. This is a good thing –

 _ **Then why do you have to keep saying it?**_

I love you,

Probably will forever now too, hug Elena for me, will ya?

Bonnie Bennett.

 _ **Damon looked up from the page as Stefan blew into the room, looking like he was barely in one piece. The thick smell of smoke clung to him along with grey ash, dusted over his every surface. Stuck to his eyelashes, one, small, odd piece, on the tip of his nose –**_

" _ **Damon," Stefan gasped, out of breath, "Why didn't you tell me?" the younger Salvatore swayed on his feet, blinking and widening his eyes, his vision going in and out of focus before he fell forward; unconscious. There was a low thud downstairs, and Damon's senses extended in their radius, he drew in a long breath, his blue eyes bright when they reopened and he sped into the den. He didn't know what he expected but it wasn't Elena, alive, wriggling with those frightened eyes as she clawed at Lily's hands around her throat. the girl was hysterical, blubbering continuously about her best friend, 'Bonnie, no, no, no, what did you do to her?'**_

" _ **Lily." Damon's voice was hard. "What have you done?" Both women froze at the sound of his voice, Elena's heart rate tripling when her eyes landed on him, he didn't look at her, couldn't afford to, it would derail his entire being, besides, Lily was covered in too much blood for Elena to still be alive, which could only mean –**_

" _ **Oh, you're little witch friend?" Lily grinned manically. "Isn't it obvious what's happened? Elena's alive and well, doing what she does best, begging for her life like it actually means anything at this point." Lily's gaze was charged with her bloodlust, her words punctuated with the extension of her fangs. "It's a pity really, between the two of them; Bonnie was the one who held actual promise." Ignoring her Damon took a step forward, only for the vampire to tisk in playful disapproval. "I wouldn't do that."**_

" _ **Where," Damon spat, lowering his shoulders and curling his spine, "Is. Bonnie?"**_

" _ **Dead. In the woods. Where she normally is." Lily said, like he should have already known that. "Her friend too, idiot witches." Damon snarled then and tensed, knowing he had a small window to operate with. "Try and kill me and I assure you, Elena will pay the price."**_

" _ **Why are you still here?" He yelled. "You have Enzo, your family, Stefan tried to get you to love him and failed, I moved on a long time ago, why would you do this to me?"**_

" _ **Because she killed them all." Lily stammered, her chaotic emotions flying over her face, this way and that, anger then pain, sadness and malice, quicker than the flick of a wrist. "I have no one, and now, neither will you." Before he could do anything that familiar sound of snapping bone tunnelled in through his ear just as he risked a glance at Elena. Her eyes were wide and her mouth gasping for air before her body went stiff, then limp, then crumpled to the floor. Lily looked down at the girl's body with a hollow sense of accomplishment. Damon flew to Elena's side, hands shaking as they ghosted over her face. Both he and Lily frowned when her features began to change. Her skin darkened and her hair shortened and curled beautifully. Her mouth grew fuller, quirked to the side, her brows arched higher, thickened and neat. Damon's flailing hands didn't slow as they cupped Bonnie's cheek. A choked sob rattled his chest as he wondered if this had been part of her plan or one of her infamously self-destructive fail-safes.**_

 _ **A loud boom sounded off somewhere far away, and Damon could feel the cracks that fissured underneath the ground, through the foundation of the house but his eyes never left her face. Something broke off in his chest and began to throb, and he couldn't think or breathe past it. There was more, he knew, but he had until someone said it out loud to mourn his best friend.**_

" _ **Bonnie?" He whispered, a thumb rubbing over her cheek, "Bonnie, please don't be dead. Please." Lily's frown deepened. "…Bonnie?" He pulled her up towards him, even as the heat fled her body, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no…."**_

 _ **Caroline flashed into the room, almost tripping over herself, her face warped with her vampirism, her dark eyes managing to shine with a human sadness even through her predatory layers, she had Matt with her and when she let go of him, he fell to the floor. Stefan appeared next to them. A strangled sound climbed out of Damon and unnerved his audience. Lily looked up and Caroline mirrored her step forward, tilting her blonde head in warning. Damon let Bonnie's frail body slide off of him and gently back onto the floor, and pulling his gaze off of her finally, he lifted his eyes to Caroline.**_

" _ **Elena's…" the blonde swallowed, "Kai lied." That's all Damon needed to hear as his face bled into an unprecedented fury and he grabbed at Lily. Someone had said it. And now he had nothing.**_

 _ **Deep inside he'd known there was a possibility of Kai doing this to him; taking away two of the most important people he had left. It was very Kai, and it sent Damon flying over the edge faster than he thought it possible himself.**_

" _ **Is this what you wanted?" He screamed, slamming Lily into a wall, his feelings rushing forward, spurred on by the sudden intensity of his realisation; the way it all stared him so unabashedly in the eye, it was too much. "Me? Alone?" He slammed her again, the motion rattling her and everyone in the room. "Newsflash mother," he hissed, his fangs bared, "I have been alone for**_ **years** _ **before we brought you back, hell, since you died I've done nothing but wallow truthfully and now you wanted to take the little I had because a few psychotic**_ **nothings** _ **were stuck in hell with you?" he stuck his hand into her chest cavity, his fingers dancing around her heart, Stefan flashed forward but Damon turned to him, stopping him with, "The closer you get the more likely I am to see this through, brother," his smile was anything but, "isn't it strange how she just killed Bonnie and you're still willing to save her?" Damon's face flushed red, "She killed**_ **Bonnie** _ **!" He looked back to Lily, "And because of that gut feeling, the worst nightmare I could have had has been realised…That Kai lied, that Elena would die with Bonnie anyway…it's so like him," Damon sneered, almost talking to himself at this point, "A last fuck-you to me and everyone else." His grip tightened on her heart, "I should kill you," he whispered, "I'd feel nothing." he admitted, his voice, low, paced and cold. "With Elena gone, I feel nothing…With Bonnie dead too, I mean," he started laughing, a low, pained sound, "What do I have left? Stefan?" He lifted both brows animatedly, "Stefan, who's dumb enough to see hope in you," Damon hissed, "Dumb enough to believe that after everything you've said to him, all the times you tried to kill him, that you're still his mother." Damon snorted, "I'd let you prove me wrong but we don't have the time." With that he ripped his hand out, her heart trapped in it, turning away as her body slid to the floor. A dense wall of disbelief slammed into Stefan as he took in his brother.**_

" _ **First we thought that Lily had Elena," Caroline began, her voice shaking even as she radiated power from her vampirism, "Stefan sped off after them, he was hurt the worst, but then when he," She fumbled as Damon fell to his knees, "When he left, Lucy said something before she died…she said that it was Bonnie that Lily had taken and that if it all went according to plan Elena should be waking up soon." She drew in a hiccupping breath as Stefan turned back to face her, Matt's eyes glued to Bonnie's dead body next to Damon, "But then, when I went to the coffin, it started to glow and I could see," she choked on the memory, "I saw her start to wake up and then she looked me in the eye and told me to run…" Caroline let the sobbing take over then.**_

" _ **There was nothing we could do but run," Matt said gravely, blinking slowly as he looked up and at the bereft vampire. "Bonnie's supposed to wake up."**_

" _ **She's supposed to," Caroline said, speeding to her best friend's body, "She has to!"**_

" _ **She did it for me." Damon's voice was flat, "She did this for me, so that I could have Elena, that's what she said." He looked down at Bonnie's body, "But Kai also said that his death cemented the spell, that there was no way around it…What if she doesn't - ?" He moved to pick up her body and held it to him. "She was going to leave anyway," he kept talking, moving, touching things, reminding himself that this was all real and he couldn't run from any of it, "She didn't even think my happily ever after included her…" his smile was bitter and warped, "She didn't know a thing and now I've lost the two most important woman in my life." he began rocking her body, for her, for Elena, for himself, he didn't know what hurt more in that moment. All he knew was pain and it was lifting up and over his head like the steady incline of a tsunami. He thought he'd fear for the moment when it would all crash down on him, but when he looked down at her face, and remembered that he'd never again see Elena's face…he begged the rushing waters to come and drown him.**_

 _ **They didn't disappoint.**_


End file.
